I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
