i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
