Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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