Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
handjob tips. give me some.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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