if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize