dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
