Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
