My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
