are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
