Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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