i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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