the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize