So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
