Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hate all girls vehemently.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
