we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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