you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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