no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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