is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
