Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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