Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh god it's open bar.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
