weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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