I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
