You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
