i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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