I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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