Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
