Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
