I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
