Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
