Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
