dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
