He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
