Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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