i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
