I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
