how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
