We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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