I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
