He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
