Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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