You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
