it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
