I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
