dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need water and some morals
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