i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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