does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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