Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
