If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
