Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize