she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
