very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
