Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
