everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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