i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
