If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
