I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
