giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize