My hair reeks of homosexuality.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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