just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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