that's an acceptable place to lick
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
