Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
