I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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