if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
