Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
