please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
