my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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