Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
