dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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