Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my being single is dangerous.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
