Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
