Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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