She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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