there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
