just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
