my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
