We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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