ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
