Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
