Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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