I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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