He disabled his match.com account in front of me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
