sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
