so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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