oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
