meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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