There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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