it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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