oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
