defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
