so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
