That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
