my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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