If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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