I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
