I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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