booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
