There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
