Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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