Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
