he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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