if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
