I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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