I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
