halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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