I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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